I have a deep love for growing flowers and I have to admit that I can overspend in the spring. One of the things I like to do is find a poor leftover perennial at the end of the season on clearance. Usually they are pretty beat up with lots of dead leaves. I take it home and find a special place in my yard and baby it as much as I can, then I wait. Most of the time, my effort pays off the next spring. It is always fun to see those once neglected flowers blossom into what they were meant to be.
The one challenge I have is I don’t like to weed. It always seems to be a daunting task that I put off as long as I can. There have been a couple of years that it doesn’t get done. Guess what, the plants survive and still thrive; they just are smaller and not as beautiful because of the weeds. This year I was able to get some weeding done in my flower beds but not all. So I donned my gardening hat and went out to finish the massive weeding of the rest of my flower beds.
As I was weeding, the Lord spoke to my heart. “You have weeds growing in the depths of your heart. They hold you back from what I want you to be.”
Those weeds are unhealthy addictions that can stunt our growth. For some it could be drugs or alcohol. Still for others, an addiction to shopping, to abusing others or yourself, fast cars, expensive lifestyle. For me, I struggle with going to food as my comfort and thinking I am never good enough.
Yesterday I decided the weeding had to be done. I mixed up some homemade weed killer with vinegar and wanted the easy way out. I thought I could walk around the house and spray the weeds and they would disappear. Some did, however the larger, deeper rooted ones didn’t. Those I had to pull by hand. Some were really hard to pull, others I had to dig out. One of my perennials is a large Yucca plant. It has taken years for it to bloom. This year it was in full bloom, I had gotten rid of the weeds around it only to notice a small layer underneath of dead leaves. I lifted up the new leaves and began to pull the old ones out. They came out really easy. The one thing I noticed was that the beauty of the plant remained but buried deep down inside, hidden away was the rotten dead leaves. I couldn’t help but begin to ask questions. What roots are buried deep inside of me? Am I willing to allow the Lord to pull them out? Am I willing to let him lift up the façade of who I think I am and pull out those hidden dead leaves inside of me?
I will be honest. Beginning to write this blog has brought up many weeds in my life that I thought were pulled out. It is time for me to allow the Lord to pull the old dead leaves that are buried deep inside me out. In my experience of sexual abuse, there were many other deep rooted weeds that had to come out: fear of rejection, desperately wanting to be accepted and loved, dependence on food because it was one thing I could control when it was accessible, the belief that I wasn’t worth anything and everyone else was better than me, the anger I would stuff down inside when I was hurting and lashing out through loud ugly words to the those that loved me unconditionally. For me, I think my deepest wound was thinking I could never be good enough for God to love me. How could God have allowed those weeds to come into my life and become so big? I know now that God didn’t want those things to happen to me but he has used them to allow me to blossom into the person I am today.
Lord, thank you for allowing me to bloom where I am planted. Thank you for being the Master Gardener. Pull out anything rooted in me that is not from you. Heal the hurts from the past and help me to fertilize my life with prayer and your Word so nothing else grows in my heart but you. Pull out the dead leaves that are hidden underneath me and replace them with the true beauty that you meant me to be. Cleanse my mind of the things others have told me I was and give me a new picture of who you meant for me to be so that I can bloom and grow in your garden. Allow me the privilege of sharing my beauty with others, so they can bloom too.
What is in your garden?
By Lilly B.